Friday, June 20, 2008

In Odder News: Why I Hate Teenage Girls...

Remember back in the nineties when MA officials got all up in arms about Eminem's "offensive" lyrics? They were so afraid of this artist, musician, and public figure that they considered banning his records from their city stores. Maybe they should have focused their attention elsewhere; I'm thinking all of those suited up men and women are cringing in retrospect. You have much bigger fish to fry, MA. As do we all.

Perhaps inspired by anti-conformist teenage hero Juno McGuff, a group of seventeen girls in Gloucester MA vowed to get pregnant during their senior year of high school. The majority of them when through with the plan, and some have already had their babies. One girl was even so desperate to fulfill her end of the bargain (or perhaps face ostracization from the rest of the group?) that she propositioned a homeless man, and now unfortunately for him, statutory rape charges may be brought by the P.O'ed parents and school officials. Poor man; he probably thought God threw him a bone. Not so much, sir; not so much.

I have a few things to say about this: first off, this is exactly why I don't want teenagers. They do stupid sh*t, give into peer pressure, and are just manipulative and hormonal. I went through it once when I, myself, was a teen, and I certainly don't need to do it again. The scars are still fresh, thank you. It's also why I don't particularly want daughters. I know it's how you raise them and who they're influenced by and blah blah blah, but seriously? Here were seventeen girls, who seemed by all accounts to be friends; they were and are a support system for each other. In fact, one girl being interviewed said she wanted to go through with the pact so her baby would grow up with all of her friends' babies. If I'm not mistaken, that's the Paris Hilton plan for pregnancy, is it not? Great.

So here were seventeen girls who also said getting pregnant "kept them from partying or drinking too much." Too much? So they still did it a bit, right? I mean, they must have in order to get pregnant. A drunk high school guy will notice the hole in his condom a lot less than a sober one (or maybe not; high school kids are often pretty stupid). If they were so against partying and drinking, they were SEVENTEEN of them! They could have all just "abstained," for lack of a better word. Hell, teenage girls are vicious enough on their own, but put seventeen of them together, and they're practically a gang. They could have redefined what the "cool" kids did on weekends... actually, I guess in a way they sort of did.

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