Thursday, June 12, 2008

They're Making This An Annual Thing, Right?...

In the last few years-- ever since I moved to Los Angeles, if I'm being truthful-- award shows have lost some of their shine. I blame it in part to the fact that I can no longer watch them live, and it is inevitable that within the three hour delay (save for the Oscars), the biggest categories get spoiled for me by some random website I happen to surf onto. Mostly, though, I've come to find that too many attendees, presenters, and nominees take the things waay to seriously, and their stuffy nervousness takes the fun out of it for me. More often than not I am not a fan of the majority of the nominees, either, leaving me with a very ho-hum-yawn feeling about the whole ordeal. I've even taken to skipping the pomp and circumstance ceremonies altogether, choosing instead to flip on during commercials of whatever happens to be on opposite the awards show that strikes my fancy more and then tuning into the morning news for the fashion/highlights round-up. It's awards show viewing in a nutshell, which is just perfect for today's You Tube driven media.

Ironically, though, from the moment I saw the first promo for Bravo's first awards show, I clapped audibly alone in my living room, giddy with possibilities. With the very yummy Tyson Beckford appearing in the commercial, alongside Kathy Griffin, who is one of the few people in this industry whose job I actually covet, and including an auditory cameo by one sassy grandpa, Tim Gunn, I had no idea what kind of statues would be given out or to whom, but I didn't care: I was hooked. So now, a few weeks and quite a few repeated viewings of said commercial later, the night is upon us. And I couldn't be happier to present to you:

Live Blogging Bravo's First A-List Awards...

20:28 I stop playing online mahjong a few minutes early to turn my attention (and the channel) to Bravo so I don't miss even a second of the red carpet coverage, especially because I have a feeling the host of tonight's festivities, none other than Kathy Griffin, might bring her Emmy as her date.

20:30 Oh, Tim Gunn is hosting the first half-hour, and then they're breaking for Kathy's season premiere of My Life on the D-List. Well, shit; I may as well just regroup at ten when the awards actually start.

20:30.75 Christian Siriano is so tiny and talk so fast, he's like a leprechaun on crack. Except, you know, without the green. So he's like a leprechaun on crack at a funeral (he wears a lot of black). Also, he's twenty-one: who the hell gave him a book deal and why can't they be my publisher!?

20:32 I don't know who this co-host dude is, but I'm pretty sure it's safe to say I think he's gay, and yet he just told Jeff (Flipping Out)'s assistant he wants to see her nipples. And considering she's a hopeful actress, I bet she's about to whip one out.

20:33 What the hell is wrong with Lauren Hutton? She said she feels like swooning, falls onto Tim Gunn, who looks like he doesn't want to touch her, and then says something odd about personal problems. And where is she from exactly? She's doing an accent, am I wrong? Lifting her hair up, waving erratically with her arms; aw, it's not cute when old people lose it.

20:35 OMG Dalton Ross, I love you; marry me!

20:35.5 Uh oh a pre-edited package with faces on the carpet and some very stiff V.O. from Tim. Get back to Dalton!

20:36 Oh, thank you :)

20:37 "Incomparable Molly Simms?" Are you high, Mr. Gunn?

20:38 "You, me, Tim Gunn, and a hot tub," says that random co-host to Nick from Project Runway. I'm just glad to see him back. He makes a joke about being Greek and therefore hairy, and the Tim Gunn introduces some guy who I swear he calls "Hairy" (or you know, his name is Harry, but I choose to believe it's the former).

20:39 Gail Simmons from Top Chef, so I guess it's all about the Bravo stars, hmm? Then where the hell is my Tyson? I bet he's wandering around Jamba Juice...

20:41 Commercial break. I'm going back to my mahjong game momentarily. I've turned into my grandmother.

20:45 Padma is friends with Lauren Hutton? Girl's circle just keeps getting weird.

20:46 The Real Housewives of New York admit their show is a fraud because they are not really housewives; "[they] all work... [they] all have businesses." Well, don't you deserve an award, in addition to your own reality show and millions of dollars and Hamptons manses. Implants clap.

20:47 Jonathan Adler and some sort of clay wheel? Is it me or does he look more and more like Jon Cryer everyday?

20:48 Oh, I still don't know who this guy is (nor can I find a photo on Bravo's website), but he just called out the other "Real" Housewives for being "real fake." In other words, he just won my heart.

20:48 Margaret Cho! I just saw her indie film Bam Bam & Celeste, and I really wish she would have shown up on the red carpet dressed as her mom. Instead she's standing a mile back from Tim, talking just as fast as Christian Siriano, and her hair is in a jet black bob that is "so convenient, just wash and go."

20:51 I just nodded off for a minute, but I think I heard Tim get called a "big, black woman." I really have no response to that; it might be even weirder than Kathy calling herself a “Strong Black Woman.”

20:52 Shameless plug for Kathy's show; I wasn't even really listening to the list of what's to expect, and I am so there!

20:52.5 Ironic or expected, an integrated commercial for Kathy's reality show, complete with a tag to watch the A-List Awards. It's a commercial within a commercial! How post-modern! Now where's the commercial for her new comedy album out on Tuesday?

20:57 Whoops, my dog started barking, and I had to investigate, and it turns out a neighbor's cat had gotten onto my patio, and he's just like me and doesn't like anyone encroaching on his space, so I had to chase the cat away and then give him a cookie to say thank you for alerting me to the problem. I don't think I missed anything, though.

20:59 Credits over super fast video of all of the "leftovers:" celebrities (and by that I mean, Bravo stars) who weren't deemed important enough to stand with Tim. I spy Tyson in there. How dare they not allow his beautiful face to grace our screens??

21:01 "Get outta my way/you A-List bores..." is suddenly so much more fitting now!

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