Wednesday, December 3, 2008

R.I.P Paris' BFF; I Knew And Loved Ye...

Let's all take a moment to mourn the fact that when the clock struck 11:01 last night, Paris' BFF was relegated to only live on in MTV's rerun rotation, as well as their on demand schedule (at least until the end of the month anyway). The show took me by surprise by slipping into the schedule almost unnoticed-- with only a handful of commercials and some online banners and message board postings, Paris Hilton's reality show was twenty times more subdued than she, herself, has ever been. Standing on its own in all of its tongue-in-cheek, sardonic glory, the show sucked me in quickly with a cast of characters who were each so well-groomed (in style as well as well as in the workings of a production), it was painfully obvious to everyone (except maybe Paris) that they were there for themselves and for exposure more than they could be there to support her. Throughout the season, Paris' real life friends joined her new reel life ones for challenges and tasks designed to weed out the fake and phony and keep around the ones who'd always be loyal to the heiress. Eighteen started, but only two could remain, and at last night's finale, only Plain Jane and the Snitch remained in the running, but after Paris had them both pack their bags and leaves the mans (for a trip to New York City), only lasted to the end, to adorn a Swarovski-encrusted tiara and be crowned the "winner."

Each wannabe gets a full day alone with Paris in New York City after flying there on VIRGIN AMERICA! Paris Hilton flies commercial? WTF? We must really be in a recession! Plain Jane is up first, calling New York “epic,” and with a helicopter ride around Manhattan that turns her green-- and not with the envy of what Paris' daily lifestyle consists. Paris takes her on a shopping spree to Patricia Fields', where she tells her to “pick out whatever she wants.” Well, shit, if being Paris’ BFF just means following her around to designer stores and getting a free $1000 dress out of it, I’ll do it! Where do I sign? Then they head to the infamous Serendipity, where they gorge on the equally infamous $1000 sundae… and make disgusted faces at it. Well, yeah, I mean it’s caviar-topped ice cream! Similarly, the producers turn green, knowing they will be footing the bill.

The Snitch's day with Paris begins in a helicopter, as well, but it takes them out to the Hamptons-- you know, for lunch. Paris must be as annoyed by her as I am by now because after they visit the “private estate,” she brings the Snitch to a club with her then-boyfriend Benji, probably because she needs a buffer. The Snitch proceeds to gush to Benji over how amazing and generous and hot Paris is. Maybe that's why the two of them split recently: maybe he thought the Snitch was trying to move in on his territory, and rather than fight for the heiress, he figured he'd step aside and let the "true love" reign. She also shows off the ring Paris got her, too—a ring which she seems to think represents Paris’ deep love and affection for her. Um, someone should point out to this crazy chick that it’s not a diamond! Oh and the Snitch (who really should be renamed the Stalker) also gets to sit in a hot tub with Paris for some "girly bonding time."

Paris claims to have had so much fun with both wannabes that she needs a little something extra to help her decide who to pick. Instead of asking for the massage you can tell she wants, she asks the wannabes to write a speech for their final elimination-- on what the journey, the friendship, and Paris herself means to each of them. For shits and giggles, Paris decides the two remaining wannabes need to be dressed in identical Pepto Bismol pink ball gowns and crazy auburn updo wigs in order to read their speeches, too.

Paris just can't choose! She gets teary-voiced (that's when you sound choked up and like you're going to cry but nothing leaks from your eyes) and has to leave the elimination, stunning both wannabes, who can do nothing but pout after her, equally feigning their concern for her over the fact that they just want an answer on their own fate. So Paris gives each girl a masquerade... mask (ah now those get-ups make a bit more sense!) and sends them off in their own private limos. Only one will reach Paris' destination, spilling the wannabe inside out into her new BFF's waiting arms.

The Snitch ends up at some hotel room with only a folded over note card from Paris explaining the outcome. The Snitch can only put her head in her hands and cry alone on a sad, cold leather bench, the imagery of which I guess is supposed to be a representation of the ice that must run in Paris' veins for casting her aside in such a way. Sure, she says she'll K.I.T. with the Snitch, but past the reunion show, I don't think any of us expect her to (except for maybe the Snitch!). That means when Plain Jane pulls up to the party, she has been chosen as the winner! Plain Jane is the aspiring rocker, after all, and since Paris has mentioned she has a new album dropping in early 2009, the whole point for this show is suddenly clear: she just wants someone with whom she can duet! And the synthesizer kicks in as the montage of Plain Jane's shining moment rolls...

And speaking of the reunion show, I plan to liveblog it… if I can find the asset… Something tells me it’s going to be even more of a trainwreck than the actual season, and I have heard rumors that one wannabe accuses another of being a pornstar (well, maybe not a star); who do you think it is???

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