Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Brody Likes To Party All The Time... Party All The Time...

As you can probably tell from the biased photos I chose for my last post about MTV's newest AWESOME reality competition show, Bromance, it is the kind of show I could pretty much watch on mute because I'm only watching for the host and "prize" of the show, Mr. Brody Jenner. And what a prize he is!

The guys return to their bachelor pad—only six strong—and read a letter from Chris P. saying good-bye. It’s short and sweet, and then the guys are on their way to Brody’s apartment for yet another challenge in which they have to “pick up chicks.” Only in this case, it is chick, singular, and that chick is Lauren Conrad. Uh oh, Michael, you left too soon! So Brody decides he can test their “game” by having her ask them questions, The Dating Game style (she sits behind a screen). I don’t know why it matters what the guys’ perfect first dates are like or how they feel about one night stands, considering they’re not there to date Brody… or are they? And if they are, why couldn’t I audition!?

Brody sits with L.C. and laughs at the guys’ comments, especially when Luke says his pick-up line would be: “Wanna go halves… on a baby?” and when Jered admitted he looks for “an ass” on a girl. Grant it, she did say she wanted honesty out of these guys, but that was a little crass. Each guy is asked what kind of animal they’re most like, and you’d assume Femi would finally hit his stride with that one considering he walks around the house comparing himself to lions all of the time… but L.C. says she needs some time to “talk it over with Brody” and pick a winner because they “all gave [her] something to think about…” Well, everyone by Little Chris and Gary, maybe. Little Chris was just boring, saying he’d use $100 to take her out to dinner (not nearly as creative as Alex who would blow it on a spa treatment so she could be relaxed and open to intimate conversation), and Gary was just socially awkward, following Chris’ dinner up by saying “well, I’d really like to take you to lunch.” I also think he had Brody questioning his sexuality a bit when he admitted he loves to “go shopping with the girls… and cuddle.” It was his answer to why he would make a good boyfriend, which frankly, again, isn’t relevant for Brody, but I could see how his machismo wouldn’t want someone hanging around who people might even wonder if he was gay. Which is sad, really, because Gary still seems like the most real guy.

So Brody and L.C. recap the guys and their answers, telling us nothing we don’t already known except for the fact that she “thinks they’re all really cool guys.” In the end, Alex is the winner because of how “chill” he is, and Brody emerges from behind the screen to reveal who the mystery voice was. All the guys drool a little… even if Gary was drooling over her shoes. Alex heads out to the balcony for some alone time with the dynamic duo, as some of the other dudes stare at them through the sliding glass door.

After a brief interlude with Brody in the shower (during which his real entourage busts in on him… and I wish I had TiVo so I could freeze frame), the guys embark on their next challenge to show Brody who they are and how they like to have fun. Though Brody says this one is not about picking a winner, of course the lame duck is going to be sent home. So the guys grab all they can—chunks of grass, a guitar, funky hats, and sweet moves—to prepare routines. Alex and Little Chris stick to what they know-- and what seem to be their passions—music and comedy, respectively, but Luke is a stand out (at least in my book) right away because he built a mini golf course in the backyard, with holes to represent the various challenges they have already been through. Jered built a water slide because in his own words “he would like to learn how to surf,” and Brody says it would have been nice… if he was twelve. Though it did present us with a lovely slo-mo shot of a shirtless Brody running, shedding water droplets ala Baywatch. Gotta love the gratuitousness of MTV! For once, it’s not just half-naked chicks on TV!

Alex has set up a drum set so Brody can get in on the jam session, and they play a song Alex wrote and sings while he wears a weird plaid blazer and strums a yellow guitar. But the two of them actually seem like buds messing around at a party after a few red plastic cups. Femi even gets in on the action, freestyling a little bit, and then we continue down the artistic and musical road with Gary, who attempts to teach the guys a dance routine that is one part breakdancing and one part Riverdance. Needless to say, it’s a bit complicated, and the guys have more fun making fun of him than trying to actually learn. Brody decides it’s time for a dance-off, though, and really, does it get manlier than that? And for the second time that day, Gary injures himself by falling on the hardwood floor (the first time was when he smacked his head during the slip n slide portion of the day). Little Chris gets a little Running Man in; Femi and Gary go head to head with some spring stands; and Jered refuses to do anything for fear of him risking his “cool guy” moniker. Which I’m not quite sure why he thinks he has anyway, considering this is not only the dude who “umed” and “uhed” his way through his speech on the first night but then followed that gem up by crying when Brody talked about his family in the one on one fireside chats. Right now, he just seems to be taking this show and himself waaay too seriously!

So Little Chris gets up in front of the guys and makes jokes about his dad thinking the show he is on right now is really just a “gay porno.” He tries to do an impression of his father’s Filipino accent, but it ends up as just a Double Whopper at Burger King lame joke, and no one shows him any love. The accent he attempts, as an actual Filipino, sounds much more like something I would attempt, and I’m a little white girl. To his credit, though, he keeps going, but he ends up getting into it with Femi, who even throws popcorn at him. Chris gets emotional after, and most of the guys rally around him to apologize for their rude behavior during his set and whatnot, but it’s all a little too little too late… and also a little female.

When Femi is up—wearing a crisp white blazer, bright blue shirt, and yellow striped tie-- though, the lack of respect shown is even more palpable. He tries to give the guys a lesson in style, but it comes off as a bad door-to-door salesman, and even Brody has to get a few zingers in. For the win, though, Femi decides to “prove himself to Brody” by getting a tattoo. Okay, everyone knows that Brody has his last name in calligraphy down the left side of his body, and though Femi has never gotten a tattoo before, he opts to do his first as a complete copycat of Brody’s own. Thankfully, though, the artist who just happened to already be set up at the house stencils on Femi’s own last name, but if he had “accidentally” put Jenner, I don’t think Femi would have objected. I’m not quite sure how this shows how Femi likes to have fun considering it’s not something he does every weekend… and Brody doesn’t want to stick around and wait for the hour long process to be over, so he leaves, and the guys sit around and gossip because Femi gave them all a lesson on his personal style, and yet his tattoo totally cops someone else’s style. He’s two-faced and fake!

When Alex calls Femi out, he flies off the handle about nothing that has anything to do with anything they are talking about. Apparently Femi almost went to jail because his friend got shot in the back? Um, was he the one who shot the kid? Why do I get the feeling that story just came to him on the spot, and he spit it out to try to seem more “real,” much like how he throws the word “homey” in after every other word. I feel like this kid is fronting, but I know he’s not getting kicked off tonight; he’s too volatile, and in MTV-speak, that means he’s the star of the show.

So Brody and the guys go out to a Mexican restaurant to discuss who will be up for elimination. It’s kind of cool to see Brody hanging with these guys in actual, public places, unlike Paris, who on her own show spent as little time as possible with the wannabes. Does this say these guys are cooler than her girls or just that Brody is a better sport about the whole thing? I’m going to go with the latter...

This has truly been Alex’ night, as you probably can tell from the photos, so he is the first guy chosen to be safe. Next is Little Chris, who though he needs a back-up career plan, never faltered in the face of adversity or heckling, and Brody respects that. Femi’s fashion thing was just weird, and Jered offended L.C. Of course, the guys all point their finger at Femi for elimination, but equally of course, Brody isn’t ready to get rid of him yet because “he has a lot of confidence, and he admires his passion.” Apparently that shows Brody how much he wants to be here.

So the bottom three end up being Luke, Gary, and Jered because Brody feels like they’re all “hanging out, doing [their] thing,” but he doesn’t understand why they want to be there. So the guys open up a little, and Brody pardons Luke because he was at the top of so many challenges. Jered stays in the bottom for not even trying to dance, proving that he can’t have fun or poke fun at himself, and Gary stays in the bottom because Brody wants to see a different side to him (than the sensitive, p*ssy side he has shown so far?). Both dudes get blindfolded and are told that paintball guns are being pointed at their chests; the one who feels the shots and gets their clean linen shirts dirty will be the one who is getting eliminated. Brody dons a lovely sombrero and fake ‘stache… as do Frankie and Sleazy T (they’re the Three Amigos, get it??), and they take aim and fire… at Jered. Orange paint splatters across his chest, and just like that, the meathead is out... and he cries once again on his exit, even as he calls some of the other guys who are still left "little girls." Oh boy.

So this episode gave me a lot of great Brody shots, which really only reinforced that I need to learn how to make screencaps!

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