Friday, February 27, 2009

The L Word...

Yes, last night's 30 Rock was about love, with Elisa unwilling to "take the next step" (you know, sexually) with Jack until she knew where they stood and he admitted he loved her, but more importantly it was about Larry King! (the episode, after all, was aptly titled "Larry King") who had a cameo as himself when Tracy Jordan went on his show to promote something-or-other but ends up commenting on the Breaking! News! that the Asian markets are falling. His words of "stay calm and prepare your bodies for the Thunderdome because that is the law now" seem to have oxymoronic effects on the New Yorkers, as they begin looting and tagging everything in sight (including Kenneth's page jacket, but we'll get to that in a minute).
Jack, giddily in love, agrees to go on vacation with Elisa to Puerto Rico because he can't stand the thought of being without her (and also, they haven't slept together yet which means that in 2009, Liz has already had sex two more times than he has). He leaves at the worst possible time, though: when Geiss goes AWOL and NBC needs a leader. Tempted by the thought of "going again in fifteen" with Elisa, though, Jack tells his flunkies, when the barge into what appears to be a hotel room but could very well be his penthouse, that there are some things "more important than a stock quote crawling across a screen." He did it all for the nookie. Until one flunkie holds out a Post-It with how much they have already lost, and he runs for his coat...and pants.

Still on Larry King Live, Tracy advises the public to withdraw all of their money from the banks and just hide it at home. He admits that is what he does, adding he even has cash stashed at church and at work. Everyone watching in the writer's room hears him say that the amount is "so much if some was gone [he] probably wouldn't even notice," they book it out of there to search for it in his dressing room. After ransacking sufficiently (we know this by the slanted posters on the walls and the air ducts that have been torn down, Pete just calls into Larry King's show to ask Tracy to be more specific. He is, but in a cryptic way: "the safesty place at 30's always dry and warm...the location changes all of the time but the money is always in the same place..."

It appears that Liz, meanwhile, has left her cell phone in a taxi, and the driver who found it went through her address book and saw that she knows Tracy Jordan, so he holds it ransom. She hangs up on him, telling she'll only pay the $800 he wants to give it up on opposite day, but he calls back later, having found an "adult" photo Drew took of her on there as well. He threatens to send it to everyone in her address book if she doesn't bring him two thousand dollars. She panics and agrees to go meet him, but he's in a bad part of Queens and doesn't want to go alone. Naturally the only TGS staffmember who agrees to help her out is Kenneth, and they set out to the boroughs together.

After the tagging incident (see above), Kenneth gets scared and wants to turn back, but being the stellar person that she is, Liz creates an elaborate lie about how there is something of very great sentimental value on her phone: a recording of the German lullaby her grandmother used to sing to her as a baby...made a few hours before her grandmother passed away...on Liz' birthday. Of course there is.

Unfortunately for Liz, the duo gets mugged, and a photo falls out of her wallet as the thieves are ripping it from her person: it is a photo with Nana Lemon on New Year's Eve 2009 (we know this because Nana Lemon is wearing big green novelty glasses with 20 on the right side of her face and 09 on the left. Kenneth knows Liz was born in November and starts to put two and two together. He asks Liz to sing the lullaby again, and he figures out that it is only "99 Red Balloons" so she cracks and tells him there is a "boobies picture" of her on that phone. Once the truth is out, she can't stop herself (it's that word vomit Tina Fey so often talks about), and she blurts out that they're not really friends and she only said they were because he made her. Well; I never! Thankfully, Kenneth grows a backbone and walks away, alone, down the street.

Jack calls into Larry King Live to try to keep everyone from "listen[ing] to Tracy Jordan and panic," but Elisa storms in and points out that this is not a crisis, and no one is going to die from it. Instead, they're really just afraid they may become poor "like everyone else...and have to eat cereal from a bag...and keep the free hand wipes from the casino...and maybe even spend time with your children." She's going to Puerto Rico without him because, like what is happening here tonight, she "is a once in a lifetime thing."

Jonathan rushes in with a VHS tape that Don Geiss had made, apparently in preparation for such a time as this, and Jack is overwhelmed by its message, knowing that if anyone has the answers, it's Geiss. On the tape, a not-so-much-younger but with a bunch more hair Don Geiss urges his people to go be with their loved ones at this time which is certainly the end. Nothing matters more than love. And Larry King, apparently.

Liz makes it to the taxi driver and demands her phone back. She doesn't have the money because of the aforementioned mugging, and he suggests she phone a friend-- but wait she can't because every number in her address is book is a work number. Personally, I think that's an unfair snap judgement to make; just because the numbers listed for people say 'Work' doesn't mean they automatically are. Sometimes people's cell phones double as a business line, so in order to write off their calls, you store them as a work acquaintance. And sometimes you're just too lazy to change the setting from 'Work' to 'Home' to 'Cell.' But in the case of Liz, he's probably right...

Until Kenneth, that is, who has miraculously made his way over here, too. The taxi driver suggests Kenneth try sex trade in order to get the money. I wonder why she doesn't just call up Dr.McHottie Boyfriend Drew. And why isn't his number in her phone? He's not from work! Kenneth, however, figures out the clues Tracy is giving Pete once again on Larry King Live (Pete and the boys have finished ransacking Liz' office to no avail, too). The answer is Kenneth himself: he is the safest place in 30 Rock, and he begins feeling around his body for the cash, finding it taped to the lining of his Page jacket. This time when she calls him a good friend, she means it-- even enough to agree to come to his "asbestos removal party" at his apartment.

Jack finds Elisa out on the street because everything has gone "Cocoa for Kukoo Poops" (her words) and the taxis now want five hundred dollars to go to JFK. Jack is somewhat relieved because now he doesn't actually have to do the whole rushing to the airport thing "like Ross did on Friends and Liz Lemon did in real life." He proposes to her right there, on the street, and she says okay, but she wants a ring "so big that it gives [her] back problems." Now she's his kind of girl!

Things always look differently in the morning, though, as Jack arrives at his office for a "couple's spa day" with Elisa only to find her own VHS taped message telling him she has gone to Puerto Rico because she feels he only asked her what he did out of the panic spurred on by "fearmonger" Tracy Jordan. To his credit, he actually looked crushed. Maybe he should have tried his hand with Larry King instead of love.

Best lines of the night:

Jack: "We're Jack and Elisa-- we're Jelisa." (He holds up a tee shirt with their faces printed in a heart.)
Elisa: "Yeah, that's lame, Jack."
Jack: "Joke, it was-- I was kidding."
Elisa: "I don't mean to get all Marc Anthony on you, but I need to know how you feel."

Kenneth: "I can't leave Manhattan on Page business; NBC's insurance doesn't cover it. I'll have to do this as a friend...say it: say I'm your friend."

Liz (about the photo on her phone): "It's a boobies picture, Kenneth, and I only kept it because for once they were both pointing in the same direction!"

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