Sunday, May 3, 2009

Something For Everyone (Or Is There?)...

I never went to prom. Even though my high school had one for juniors (for my year, it was some dinner/dance cruise around Manhattan, and let me tell you: if the thought of hanging out with people I didn't particularly like was daunting when I was trapped within the four walls of a classroom, it would be that much worse to be trapped on a boat-- no singing necessary-- in the middle of a dirty river) as well as one for seniors (at a more appropriate hotel), I begged them off every time. I was asked to both proms, and by a couple of different guys, but they weren't the guys I wanted to ask me, so rather than settle I decided to do what I always did: I spent the evenings with my favorite television characters.

Actually, on these particular nights that was something I did not from my bed watching the glow of my nineteen-inch monitor in my parents' apartment but actually quite literally, because as fate would have it, the nights of both of my high school proms fell on the nights of the Days of our Lives fan club weekends. Instead of putting on a formal gown and riding in a limo to rub elbows with kids from my AP American History or calculus classes, I was much more comfortable in my jeans, Lincoln Town car service, and rubbing elbows with the semi-rich and niche-famous.

It is years later, and I've never regretted not going to prom. For some little girls it is the warm-up to the much bigger and more lavish even of their weddings. They love shopping for the dress with their friends, giggling as they get their hair blown-out or twisted into too-tight up dos, and snapping point-and-shoot photos of everything and everyone from the minute they begin getting ready to the minute they retire for the evening with their dates. And maybe that would have been true for me, too, if I had been going to school with my closest girl friends or even the guy I most closely had my eye on. Instead, though-- and perhaps just in my limited teenage angst-- nothing was how or where I wanted it to be.

Take, for example, the guys in my math and science high school. While a good lot of them started out uber-skinny and gawky, quite a few had grown nicely into funny, fit, handsome guys who actually did make quite a catch, if not at least enough of eye candy to wear on your arm into the prom. I just couldn't see it at the time because I was so stuck on something else.

Still, I refuse to admit I am alone in this. I am sure there must be at least a couple of others out there who, like me, refused to settle, even if the thing (or guy) of her dreams is quite distant...or quite a few years away...or even the completely unobtainable of fiction. And for those, I can only offer some fuel to the fire:

If you are into the all around American boy who is loyal to his guy friends, always sweet to his girlfriends, but has a bit of a dry and sometimes mischievous humor, Jim Halpert (The Office) would be the perfect prom date for you. He is someone you would genuinely have a good time with without feeling obligated to put out at the end of the night. He can make you feel like you're the only girl in the room as well as just one of the guys.
If, however, you prefer more outrageous pranks and would prefer to spend the night laughing, then Zack Martin (Suite Life on Deck) would be your man...err, boy. Although, you should probably give him a couple of years to hit his maturity before asking him because right now he's the kind of date who would probably get distracted with some hairbrained scheme, and you'd end up covered in punch, or he'd drive through the wall on a golf cart, and you'd both get kicked out before the night was over.
If you are into the mysterious, brooding boy who never says too much about his past or his family, allowing you to fill in the gaps with sensitive tales of long-suffering secrets, Sam Winchester (Supernatural) looks great in a monkey suit!
If you just can't help yourself from falling for the bad boy who dresses maybe a little too well, parties hard, and loves to spend his daddy's money, then Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl would be your perfect arm candy. He would surely pay your whole way through the prom-- and do it in designer style-- and you'd guarantee to be the hot topic of everyone's conversation that night.
If you prefer the geek chic vibe of those who haven't quite grown into themselves yet but you are certain they will and will be someone you can brag about dating come reunion time, Chris Rock (Everybody Hates Chris) is the prom date for you!
If you're into the quirky, lanky brainiac-- not unlike the guys I mentioned previously from my own high school-- and prefer to spend your prom discussing and debating the theories in the advanced physics courses you are taking, Sheldon Cooper (Ph.D!) (The Big Bang Theory) is for you...although I doubt he'd actually make it to the prom, considering how much statistical analysis he would probably end up doing before hand to figure out the right cotton/poly blend to wear, the allergy he would undoubtedly develop from the corsage he bought you, and the ride you'd have to find there when the other friends who went in on the limo kicked you out for the offbeat and off-putting things he said to them when he first climbed in.
And if you really fall for the pretentious, know-it-alls, and want to spend the prom hearing "fun facts" about DJs or streamers or the hotel you're currently dancing in, there's always Young Ted (How I Met Your Mother)!
And finally, if you all you want is a big, beefy guy who's muscled arms you can get lost in while you dance to, Matt Saracen (Friday Night Lights) is the all-star who can make that happen.


Jaime said...

Ah, yes, but Matt Saracen isn't so big and beefy, not that that matters because, well, it's Matt Saracen. No matter how much I heart Tim Riggins, Matty is always my FNL boy of choice.

Jamie said...

This is funny b/c I was just saying to someone at work that my mom insisted I go to both proms b/c I'd regret it if I didn't even though I hated dancing, wasn't dating anyone, and was too shy to really enjoy it. Now, I barely remember it and don't think it would have mattered to me at all if I had just skipped it. It probably would have been better even b/c while I don't remember the details now, I do remember being really stressed about it at the time.