Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sue Sylvester Has Beaten Chuck Norris...

Remember when Chuck Norris had a semi-hit TV show? Even if you didn't watch any of the eight-year run of the CBS show, you undoubtedly heard about it. Hell, even Friends referenced Walker, Texas Ranger-- albeit in the "making fun of Monica because she was loser enough to stay home on the weekends and watch it" sort of way. But more likely, you knew about it because you knew its star. Norris was a fit fighting machine, and word quickly started to circulate that he was invincible and perhaps even omnipotent. Such "facts" began piling up on websites and bumper stickers like he had a memoir of one-liners, each one more ridiculous than the last. "Chuck Norris doesn't read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants" was always a favorite of mine (and I hear, of the man-- or the myth, the legend-- himself). But Bruce Lee took the guy down once, and now it seems Sue Sylvester has driven the final blow that might actually remove Norris from our pop culture consciousness for awhile (or at least until he comes out with some instructional non-contact karate DVDs or something).

Who is Sue Sylvester? If you have to ask, you've been living under a rock. Or don't have a TV. Either way, my eyes are wide and my mouth agape with shock. Sue Sylvester is everyone's favorite stern, stubborn, and somewhat stoic cheerleading coach on Fox' new musical comedy Glee. Played by the deadpan perfect Jane Lynch, Sylvester is dry and witty and tells it like it is whether in front of her "Cheer-i-os" or on Sue's Corner on the local news. She takes no crap but instead takes you down with the catty revenge attitude that is usually (so actually quite fittingly) only seen in high school.


This weekend, Twitter has been all a-buzz with Sue-isms, some new, and some just inserting her name into old Norris favorites. Is it a viral marketing campaign by Fox to keep the kids talking about their most promising new show and call upon the nostalgia of a past favorite? Or did the fans start this one, as they did the last, latching onto a unique and soon-to-be classic character? I didn't have time this morning to do the research necessary to find out; I was too busy reading the hundreds of Sue-isms that have been streaming in! And I have to tell you, the joke is somehow much funnier and much fresher when picturing the outlandish statements coming directly out of this woman's mouth. "Sue Sylvester's computer doesn't have a CNTRL button because Sue is ALWAYS in Control!" That is the kind of thing you can hear her say...because she has said similarly crazy things on Glee already.

Some are classic, and some are timely, but all will have you chuckling (no pun intended). Try these new gems on for size:

Courtesy of @RyanOConnor: "Sue Sylvester is never "Tardy for the Party;" Sue Sylvester IS the party!"

@DaliaNosseir had this to share: "Sue Sylvester puts the 'laughter' in manslaughter."

@Wilkster11 said: "Sue Sylvester can read Lady Gaga's poker face."

@Vixynne said: "Sue Sylvester would never
need anti-rejection drugs for an organ transplant. Nobody and nothing rejects Sue Sylvester!"

@afish560 acknowledged the origination, which is quickly turning into a rivalry, with: "Sue Sylvester & Chuck Norris had a bet.The loser had to wear a cowboy hat on TV."

And from ubreyjewell: "Sue Sylvester doesn’t wear a watch; SHE decides what time it is."

Even Lynch's castmembers got in on the action. From Cory Monteith (@Frankenteen: "Sue Sylvester does not go 'hunting', because that kind of terminology implies the possibility of failure. Sue Sylvester goes killing."

And from fan favorite Chris Colfer (@ChrisColfer): "Sue Sylvester would have never let Taylor Swift finish."

Let's keep these going and keep #Sue Sylvester a trending topic for weeks to come!!!

(You can also follow "Sue" herself on Twitter by clicking here.)

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