Monday, July 12, 2010

The Hottie Awards: Music Edition...

"Music? Really? You, DanielleTBD?"

All right, my knowledge of the music industry is one eighth my knowledge of the television and film industries. But to be fair, my knowledge of anything other than television is slim to none! And just because I don't know a chord from a scale doesn't mean I can't appreciate the beauty on the album cover! Here are my picks for the all time (of my time) Top Ten Musical Hotties!

10. Jon Bon Jovi. He seemed like the first "pretty boy" rocker to transcend and still be taken seriously as a musician and an artist despite having long, luxurious locks. He proved that all rock stars don't have to be grungy or greasy or completely made up, theatrically. Plus he's an actual musician, not just a singer or frontman, and the guitar definitely adds to the attraction!

9. Trey Lorenz. Not many are familiar with his solo work. He released one album in the mid-nineties and not another until about a decade later. I, admittedly, found him through his friend and something of a mentor, Mariah Carey, who he tours with. I admit I have often found myself watching him on stage during her shows instead, as he performs back-up, and I was more than thrilled to hear he would be given a solo moment during her most recent tour. He has something of an old-school charm and has the biggest, best smile to boot!

7. Curtis Jackson aka 50 Cent. This guy could be a bouncer or a linebacker or some kind of MMA wrestler: he is big and buff! Yet when he grins his face erupts in something of boyish charm that makes you think that behind his tough exterior and gun-toting he is still just that lisping young man with a dream that seems bigger than all of us. But he managed to make it work, and that's pretty hot in itself.

6. Mark McGrath. I hated his music. Let's just put it out there. But I loved his arms. Especially where he was tattooed. And especially how they looked in his tiny black tank tops. I also loved how he'd stick his face right in front of the camera and mug. I guess that's why he's an entertainment show stand-up host right now. I'll take it. He looks even better today, even though he's gotten out of the music game.

6. Mark Wahlberg aka Marky Mark. If I was planning a "models" category...hmmm come to think of it, maybe I should add that one to the list! But even if I was planning a "models" category, he would still make the cut here. He wasn't a great rapper-- he will barely be remembered for more than just a blip on the music industry's radar-- but his bad boy stage presence more than made up for it. After all, most girls went to his concerts to see him strip down to his tightie Calvin Klein whities! I'm pretty sure he's a big part of the reason my parents didn't allow me to go to my first concert until I was in eighth grade, too: because while rock shows may prominently feature drugs and alcohol, he sold sex. And above all, my parents were most worried about sex!

5. Ricky Martin. I suspected he was gay back during his heyday, but I never cared. Even if he doesn't swing my way, I can still enjoy looking at him! And boy is he nice to look at! Even when he had those ridiculous "cool guy tips," his eyes and smile still lit up the stage and came alive in the photos within the CD booklet. Plus he reminds me of My Pin-Up, so that helps a lot in remembering him all these years later, too! (by the by, if you don't understand references like My First Boyfriend or My Pin-Up, you should pick up my forthcoming pop culture memoir, of the same name as this blog, where they are featured quite prominently!)

4. Jordan Knight. He played such a major part in my childhood, I would be remiss to leave him off this list, let alone the top portion of it! He can sing; he can dance; he's close to his family; and he does it all with a confidence that he manages to dial back before it gets to Kanye level cockiness.

3. Eminem. He plays the part of a misogynist well. Really well. So well that a good number of my more staunchly feminist friends probably stopped reading when they saw his name. But the thing about Em is that he is clever. He knows how to put on a good show and write a strong character. And he loves his daughters way too much to truly put venom behind his words against women. He has a lot to say; he's witty; and his compound syllable work inspires me to be a better writer. Literally. I usually knock out five or six (on average) sets of song lyrics of my own every time he drops a new album. In the words of one he's made fun of time and again: "That's hot!"

2. Common. He's got style; he's got flair...okay that makes him sound too whimsical, and really this guy has a great mind, in addition to the great physique. His songs are lyrically interesting-- poetic and designed to make you think-- and he wraps them up in great beats that just make you want to move. Plus he can rock a Kangol cap better than Samuel L. Jackson! And he manages to make scruff look sexy and not at all dirty (well, not in the "unclean" way, anyway-- just the good way) ;D

1. Justin Timberlake. He was cute as the curly-haired youngest member of yet another boy band. But he really got hot when he broke out on his own, buzzed his hair shorter and began to dance without the goofiness of it being a group number. His style also took off; his talent for writing, producing, and even playing took off; and he began to show off his sense of humor, in addition to his sense of sexy!

Let the counterpoints and rebuttals begin! And stay tuned next Monday for the next category! It makes "back to work" after a weekend in the sun look a little brighter, doesn't it??


Jim said...

Glad Common was ranked near the top...I was scrolling through thinking 'Now I know she didn't forget Common!' Thanks, Danielle!

danielletbd said...

I LOVE Common. He was almost number one. It hurt a little to not put him first, but the guys on my list are not just hot, they're ones who have influenced my life in some way, and Justin was just a wee bit more prevalent because for the longest time my parents wouldn't let me buy hip hop CDs so I got into Common later in life.